small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
