you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
