I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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