I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
