So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
