Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
