Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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