You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
