Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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