Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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