As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
