I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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