every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
