i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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