Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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