It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
