it's like iHOP with fire
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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