my phone needs a breathalizer
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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