Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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