just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
