I think im going to throw up on grandma
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
