I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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