dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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