I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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