i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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