my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
