Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
