That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
