I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
