so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
