I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
