She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I need to calm my uterus...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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