great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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