I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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