my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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