do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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