Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
