he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
