So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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