You just made me feel so damn special
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
my liver is dry heaving
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