Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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