i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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