just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
