i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
