Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
