He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
