I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
false alarm, still single
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize