see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
