found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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