All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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