I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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