Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize