Who wears a wallet chain?!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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