Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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