Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
