i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
