me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
