in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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