My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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