i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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