where does the pee come out of this thing
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
