I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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