im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
