Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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