After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she looked like the before picture.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
