I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
