There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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